Ah The Joys of SC

I was born and raised right here in North Charleston SC.
On my way home today, I heard a story on one of the local talk stations.

I just found the AP wire on Yahoo.

SC bear back at animal refuge after 'cubnapping'

WELLFORD, S.C. - A stolen bear cub is back with his brother at a South Carolina animal park after being snatched and put on display at a truck stop.

The Herald-Journal of Spartanburg reports that 31-year-old John Chadwick Montgomery was charged Tuesday with third-degree burglary and grand larceny.

Authorities say Montgomery took the 7-month-old cub from the Hollywild Animal Park on Saturday night. Workers say he planned to take a monkey but opted for the bear after another monkey attacked him.

Montgomery took the bear to a truck stop and charged people $1 each to pet the animal. The bear was returned to the park unharmed.

Jail officials said they did not know if Montgomery had an attorney. Records show he was in custody Wednesday morning


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OK that's the story. In my sometimes view from askew, here's the scenario I saw in my twisted mind's near-sighed eye:

John [known to his friends and family as Jo Jo] said to his wife/girlfriend/cousin:

Here's wuht we's gonna do. Now you take that money you keep in your bra up there amoungst your woman parts and you go down to Lickety Split Liquers op and invest in some lottery tickets. Now whilest you do that there stuff, I'm gonna git us a monkey from the animule park. And then I'll charge folks a dollar to come up and pets him on the head.

Jo Jo arrives at the animal park and then...

Hey...that dad-blasted monkey done bitted me on the head. Shoot fire! Now what does I do to get this did. Hey I there's a baby bahar over thare. I'll just a-git me him and his mama won't know nothin' 'bout it. I shore am smart